Day 3 at CCRM- Appointments and Exploring

Exhausted. That's how I will describe how I feel. As usual,running guy and I hit the ground running (no pun intended) and are both getting ready to go to bed because we had such an action packed day. To start with, we had our appoinments this morning. It looks like 20-22 follicles now measuring between 14-18. My physical was fine and running guy did his back up sample. We are doing the ccs testing, so we had to meet with the genetic counselor. She was very nice, but she went into so much detail on the science part of everything. We both make quick decisions and aren't very detail oriented, so the appointment was a bit long for two people who wanted to get to sight seeing.

Which brings me to our sight seeing. We headed to Colorado Springs and went to Garden of the Gods (a bunch of different red rock structures) and Pikes Peak. Both are worth seeing. Colorado Springs is about 45 min from Lone Tree. Needless to say, we got back to the hotel around six and then got ready for dinner.

I go back tomorrow for another ultrasound and blood work. Hopefully, they might know when I will trigger because i would like to book our return trip home. Also, ccrm forgot to call me and tell me what dose to to take for tonight and the morning. I had to call the after-hours line and have the nurse on call call me back. If they don't call by 630 that means they have forgotten about you and you need to call them. It has been their first mess up, so Its no big deal. Tomorrow we are heading to Boulder to explore the city and we want to go to the Newton store (the brand of running shoes we run in) which is located in Boulder.

Day 2 at CCRM - a day of relaxation

So I'm back at Starbucks again, sitting in the same seat on the patio and enjoying my delicious white mocha. Today has been a morning of pure relaxation. I spent the morning at the Woodhouse Day Spa and got a massage, facial, and pedi. It was a very nice way to start the day. No doctors appointments today. They kept my medication the same. I'm still taking one vial of menopur, 5 units of lupron, and 150 of Gonal F. I'm hoping tomorrow they give me an idea of when I trigger.

Running guy gets here in a few hours. I'm looking forward to his arrival. I'm going to be so jealous that he gets to run out here. The weather is so awesome. I so want to run, but ccrm says no running when stimming. Yesterday I went for a walk and it was so hard not to run because the weather was perfect, unlike the sweltering heat in Florida that i am used to running in. Speaking of running, I found the most precious running skirt, something I said i would never wear, at the mall yesterday at this store called lulumon or something like that. It's pink plaid and so precious! I can't wait to wear it.

Day 1 at CCRM

I'm here in beautiful Lone Tree, CO enjoying a delicious decaf iced white mocha outside at Starbucks. My travel here last night was uneventful. The only small snafu was when Thrifty tried to put me in a minivan. I had selected the mystery car and the minivan was the mystery car for the day. It wasn't happening. I requested a manager and ended up in a midsize suv. Much better.

My report from ccrm this morning was good. I have 22-24 follicles. This is a few more than normal. In previous cycles I have been anywhere from 15-21. The ultrasound tech was surprised by the amount and asked me if I had PCOS. I told here I didn't this is just my normal amount. They range in size from 8- 12. I'm hoping that some of them are genetically normal. That is really the only explanation that we have for why this doesn't work for us. Every doctor we go to thinks it should have already happened by now. In addition to the embryos we have at the end of this cycle, they are also going to test my six frozen embryos from Las Vegas. I would like 2-6 to be genetically normal in total. We shall see....

So my impression of ccrm after day 1? Really good. I'm so glad I am out here and chose to cycle here. Running guy gets here tomorrow, so I guess today I'll go shopping. Hopefully, i won't do too much damage! Lol!

Missing Race Day Sign Ups - An Infertility Analogy

For months your friend have been getting ready to run in the marathon (have a baby). They have been training together. They have their perfect race day outfit picked out. They are jazzed and excited about what it coming up. They wish that you could join them. They want you to be a part, but you can't because for some reason you missed the race day sign up. You can't quite fathom it yourself. You were sitting at your computer and tried to register just like all of them did, but for some reason it worked for them and when you hit the registration button the race was full. What baffles you even more is the fact that your one friend who didn't even want to run a marathon logged onto the computer and registered with no problem. You have been running longer than all of your friends, but for some reason you never actually get to compete in the marathon.

It's marathon day, so like a good friend you go and support them. They are excited and you are so excited for them, but you wish that you could run the marathon with them. You know you could run it; if someone would just give you the chance. As you sit there taking pictures you notice there are runners who aren't even trying. Some are quitting; they don't care about being in the race. You think to yourself I wish I could have their spot in this race because I would care and try and give it my all. But alas, you are stuck on the sidelines because for some reason your race registration didn't go through. Other people had no problem registering, but you did.

Now the race is over and your friends are glad that you are there to celebrate. They are encouraging telling you that next time you will get to run with them. You all go to dinner and your friend have on their medals (baby). Several other people are wearing their medals in the restaurant. Everyone is talking about the race and there you sit without a medal because for some reason your stupid internet didn't work. You are going to try to sign up again for the next marathon, but this time you are using a high speed connection (CCRM). Hopefully, that will do the trick.

So I head to CCRM on Tuesday. I'm hoping that CCRM is my high speed internet connection. I am so happy for the people around me who get pregnant and are enjoying their children. I really haven't felt bitterness toward them, but I want to join them in the marathon and get off the sidelines. I am very blessed to have friends who also want me to get off the sidelines and are praying for me and are so encouraging to me during my infertility marathon.

Advice from the Non Runner

As humans we like to give advice and share little tidbits of information that we pick up. People who don't run often give me pieces of advice like: 1. Doing all that running you are going to need to surgery on your knees (a possibility but highly unlikely) 2. You really shouldn't run outside while its hot (Great idea - I'll stay inside on the treadmill and then have a heat stroke in a race when it's super hot outside). I could go on and on....

With infertility well meaning people also give advice and offer solutions because after all they know someone who knows someone that had to take Clomid once and that makes them an expert on the subject. Here are a few of my favorites: 1. If you could just relax, you would get pregnant. (Really? That's all I need to do? Thank you so much! So when will I magically start ovulating once I relax seeing that I have never ovulated on my own). 2. Have you thought about adoption? (Adoption? What is adoption? No, I have never thought about it; could you please familiarize me with the term? Thank you so much for telling me about it. Until this very instance that you suggested it, I had never thought of it) 3. It's going to happen when you aren't even trying. (Really? So just stop trying and I will magically ovulate and then I will be pregnant?) 4. Maybe you should just stop trying. (Thanks so much for that encouragement). I could go on and on....

I could get really frustrated with people and hurt when they say things that seem insensitive to someone dealing with infertiility, but I honestly think that most people don't give advice with the intent to hurt someone. One of my favorite books is To Kill a Mockingbird. One of the themes in the book is you really can't understand what a person is going through unless you get in their skin and see things from their point of view. So when people say things that seem insensitive, I try to get in their skin and understand what their intentions are. In this uncontrollable thing called infertility, it's nice to know there is something that I can control - my actions and reactions to others.

Gear Girl - Funded by the DINK Life

When we go to a triathlon or marathon, they always have expos where there is all this fun stuff to buy. I love shopping. In fact, it is probably my favorite hobby - if shopping can be considered to be a hobby. Anyway, I have earned the name of gear girl because at these expos I tend to buy my fair share of merchandise. My motto is if your not going to win at least look good while doing the event. My signature color is pink - even my bike and tennis shoes are pink. My husband - who hates spending money - even gets in the spending spirit at these expos. We are able to go a little crazy at the expos because we are DINKS.

The DINK life really isn't bad from a financial perspective. We are by no means wealthy, but we are blessed to live a comfortable life. Although after we pay CCRM our portion of the bill, we will see how comfortable life is :) Sometimes my girlfriends say just wait until you have kids and then things will change with shopping, etc. I always laugh and say that's right I will be shopping for myself and the baby!

I'm ready to trade the DINK life in for the DITK (dual income two kid) life. Hopefully, in the next few months we will see that become a reality. I still wouldn't mind being know as gear girl but maybe we could change it to baby gear girl! LOL!

Midway Into the Training Plan

When I was training for the Disney Marathon and was about five weeks out from race day, I got really annoyed. Running was no longer fun. It was just something, I knew I had to do, or I wouldn't make my goal of qualifying for the Boston Marathon with my Disney Marathon time. That would mean I would fall short of my goal and possibly have to run another marathon a few weeks later to try and qualify again. I really wanted to run in the Boston Marathon, but I was so sick of training. I knew that I had to push on despite my desire to quit and give up because if I didn't I wouldn't accomplish my goal.

These past few weeks have kind of reminded me of being five weeks out from race day. I'm doing everything I need to do (taking bcp, starting lupron, etc.) but it still feels kind of far away. I'm kind of over it. I want the baby, but I am tired of waiting around and doing the training. Plus in this race isn't doesn't matter how hard I try, push, or will it it's totally out of my control. It's tough.

My training plan is going fine though. The lupron is making me super thirsty, but no headaches or anything like that. In a little over a week, I start taking my real meds and then I will feel like race day is approaching, and I will be in a different frame of mind.